Chicken Wanted – Red or Alive!

Like most of my books, this blog is about everyday life, but other more serious stuff too – like removing devious people from your Christmas card list; how sitting down with a cup of tea and a book can help you get your chores done; and most importantly, how changing a duvet cover could ultimately become an Olympic sport.

I’d love to tell you blogging is easy. I’d like to tell you that it comes naturally to a writer.  Despite the fact that we writers think we are perfect, the reality is that our editors are perfecter.  Yes, I know that’s not a word – I’m just trying to annoy my editor!!  Now she’s really pissed off because I intentionally and maliciously used not just one, but two exclamation marks.

And the reason I’m trying to annoy her? Because she always thinks she’s right.  Here’s an example:  I sent her a copy of my ‘About’ page to check and she decided that instead of having a rouge chicken, that I actually had a rogue chicken – quite different things.  She should not make assumptions – especially about something as important as poultry.

On a matter of principle I rang and informed her that it was possible that my chicken was red.  Had she ever seen my chicken?  (Actually she has.)  So maybe the chicken wears blusher?  She replied with brutal sarcasm – I made it quite clear that, no, chickens cannot wear lipstick, as they have no lips.

Rather than have her hang up in my face, I may have ultimately backed down (perhaps even grovelled a little) and admitted that maybe as a writer I can be a bit of a muppet, because, in reality, my chicken is a rascal and actually creamy in colour – like the latte I have to buy my editor as an apology, so that she will continue checking my work.

Hang on – maybe she was just joking, knowing the blog is about not taking life too seriously? Wait, I’ll ask her…

Nope, now it’s two lattes!  She clearly has not integrated the non-serious theme of my writing yet.

Given that I now have to fork out ten dollars to salvage my relationship with my editor as a result of starting this blog, I hope you’ll all get my money’s worth.  But, dear reader, if there are any silly mistakes, I trust you will blame her, not me – the muppet writer.

Bugger. She’s just checked this post for me – now it’s three lattes!  I think it’s time to change the subject – perhaps we could talk about my reneged renegade cat instead…

16 thoughts on “Chicken Wanted – Red or Alive!

  1. For a while my novel had a rouge ram in it. Then, quite suddenly, I morphed it into a rogue ram at which point, possibly due to the surprise transformation, it killed someone. One had to be so careful . . .

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    • LOL! Did you have a wee accident with some Henna hair dye?
      The idea of a red ram seems like something from a gothic horror story. I can imagine the shock – to be a redhead one day, then a blond the next. Isn’t the English language a complete nightmare – anything can happen!

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  2. Your rogue chicken reminds me of my old rouge… sorry, red hen (sadly, my Dora can only roam chicken-heaven now). Love the quip about changing a duvet. Look forward to more of your little words of wisdom and of getting one over your editor… Love it Wendy!

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    • Thanks Jenny. People say kids say the funniest things, but I swear silly pets DO the funniest things. My cat Evey makes me laugh several times a day – life would be a little dull without her naughtiness. As for chickens, there is not a lot of space in their little heads for any advanced intellectual capacity beyond “Oh look, a worm!”

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  3. Really like your blog Wendy. You’d think changing a duvet cover is an olympic sport the way my kids carry on.
    Thoroughly enjoyed rouge and rogue and for a complete muppet of a writer, I too thank my lucky stars for my perfecter editor!

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  4. What a hilariously funny blog Wendy. I love your humor with this and what an enjoyable read. I remembered my friend giving me a chicken to look after while living in the northland. Since I had no prior experience in looking after the rogue since I’ve lived most of my life in the city, I gave it to my neighbor who had other rogue’s. To my surprise it came over to my yard every day so I ended up feeding it and being it’s part-time carer after all. 😉

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    • Thanks Emeline. Yes, they are rather funny creatures and very entertaining at times. I love the fact that snails get reconstituted as yummy eggs and that I don’t have to do anywhere as much weeding.

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  5. Hi Wendy – I’m late to the party, as usual!
    Don’t be too hard on yourself re your ‘rouge’ mistake. As writers, we often ‘make-up’ a word, or perhaps you were just feeling ‘off colour’ when you wrote it, and your editor’s correction was just ‘cosmetic’. Having ‘red’ your blog, I was ‘flushed’ with pride – you are a talented writer!!
    Okay, I’m going to stop now, while I’m behind!!!

    PS. I can out exclamation mark you any day of the week!!!!

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  6. Pingback: Blogger Recognition Award | Wendy Megget (Writer)

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